What would Jesus do?
Stay in school, kids.
Season 2, Serial 10, 6 episodes
OK - spoiler alerts
Doctor: GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! We’ve landed in London
Everyone else: Maybe we should look around. Something seems off…
25 minutes of scooby-doo like mystery solving later we cleverly discover that the city’s in ruins, there’s no traffic, no Big Ben chime, no people to be seen and no noise of any sort. We cleverly deduce that this is not the 1900’s. Finally they notice the clue that’s been right in front of their nose the whole time!
Damn it - Now where am I going to dump my bodies?
Oh and in the meantime, there was a cave in and guess what? We can’t get into the TARDIS!
OK, next we get captured by Gumby from Monty Python:
"Are you the doctor??? MY BRAIN HURTS!!!"
Now we find out that Gumby… I mean the “robomen” are being controlled by the Daleks! HOLY SHIT!!! But Doctor, I thought we committed genocide and killed all the daleks back in episode 2? ”Oh, that was far in the future. This is the past in relation to that event”
OK, so the Daleks attack earth, kill most of the population with a plague (not very dalek like) and enslave the population for the first time (for them) here and now (its the 2160’s come to find out). But hold on… Haven’t they already attacked earth about 100 times over the last few hundred years… and you’d think the population of the planet would have some sort of weapon to defeat them by now… but I digress.
So the daleks want to blow up the core of the earth and replace it with a giant magical space engine that will somehow make the planet earth into a big spaceship and take them back to scarro, or something like that. Long story short, it was Barbra who saved the day, when she figured out how to make the robomen turn on the daleks. Funny how in 2160 they can’t make bombs or guns to defeat the daleks, but a group of halfwits with rocks can easily dispatch a whole bunch of them. The big bomb that was supposed to blow up the core of the earth ends up blowing up the base and humanity if free from the daleks again.
Oh yea, I almost forgot. Susan falls in love and stays behind with some douchebag. Hopefully Time Lord teenagers are better at holding down a long term relationship than earth teens, because the Doctor just left his 16 year old granddaughter there with some douchebag she met last week. (I checked up on this, seems Carole Ann Ford was annoyed that the writers wouldn’t let her “expand and develop the character”. I think she was pissed because they had her screaming and hysterical every 10 minutes. I mean she’s a fucking Time Lord - she should be a fucking genius.)
Anyway, this was a good serial. Other than the first episode, which could have been done in about 8 minutes, the action moved along nicely. Lots of really bad 60’s sci-fi sets and costumes, and even a flying saucer wobbling on a string! Seriously though, the best part of this serial was that they are all separated, Ian was not a sexist condescending douchebag at all (first serial that this has happened) and Barbra FINALLY did something other than scream bloody murder every 10 minutes. She led some clueless bitch around with a clear head, and finally saved the day. Very little sexism in this serial.
I leave you all with this great image of the first doctor, as seen through the eye of a dalek. He totally says “fuck you, you suck - I’m the Doctor” with his body language. Note the crudely cut out circle.
I don’t know what school you go to, but it doesn’t sound very safe.
Well, clean shaven sir/madam, did you know that in the bible bans shaving?? So, I’ll assume you’re going to stop shaving your face/legs/armpits. Summer isn’t going to be much fun for you! (Leviticus 19:27)
Oh, and while you’re calling me a fucking faggot, and damning me to hell, you should probably realize that you’re cursing, that’s against the bible too. (Ephesians 5:4)
Also, that gorgeous 14k gold diamond ring you bought for your wife/ husband bought for you? Uh uhhh. Nope. Not allowed, sugar. I’ll wait here while you throw it away. (Timothy 2:9)
The next time football is on, you better not watch it. You can’t play it either, boo boo. Oh well. Ohhh, and if you go out to breakfast, no sausage. No, bacon either. And before you even think about it, no ham. (Leviticus 11:8)
And even though you’ve got six kids already, you can’t pull out or use a condom. That ooey gooey has to go where it was “meant” to go. No masturbation either. You better not be having sex, unless it’s to make a baby. (Genesis 38:9-10)
And when your wife has her time of the month, you better lock her up in the basement. Actually, you can’t associate with ANY women on their period. (Leviticus 15:19-20)
Go ahead and ignore your wife when she’s raggin’. You’re gonna end up not being able to go to church anymore. (Deuteronomy 23:1)
I love that polyester cotton blend shirt you’re wearing. Did you know the bible bans that too? So, it looks like you have to throw away most of your clothing. Oh well. I mean, it’s not like you want to break the solid rules that the bible has set. (Leviticus 19:19)
Oh, and no more seafood buffet for you. Lobster, crab, shrimp? All banned by your favorite book! (Leviticus 11:10)
And if you bible thump about gays behind their back? You should refer to your Holier-than-thou book. Gossip is a no no in Gods eyes. (Leviticus 19:16)
You wanna quote the bible, fine. Just remember, I CAN TOO. A good Christian doesn’t worry about what others do and don’t do. It’s not your place to judge me, and to damn me to hell because I listen to my heart, and not what a 3500 year book tells me. And I’m gonna finish with this: John 8:7